The Worry Path

Kalemegdan path

You’re walking down a path.  Along this path there are stones of all shapes and sizes.  As you walk along, some stones are in the middle of your path, and others are on the sides.

The ones on your path are those events of your day.  They are easy to pick up.  They are right there.

The ones on the side of the path are the ones you’d have to consciously choose to walk over and pick them up.

As you walk along your path, and you “bump into” the stones on the path, you are faced with a choice.  Pick them up, walk around them, or step over them.  These are the obvious choices.  Some of those big ones, though, are tougher.  Stepping over them isn’t quite as easy.  It’s a long walk around them.  Picking them up seems to be the choice.

The big ones, for whatever reason, are almost always easy to pick up.  The tough part is putting that big one down.  You then choose to walk with it.  Those big ones are heavy!  It tires you out!  And yet you cannot put it down.  By the end of your day, you’re tired.

Funny thing about this, you again, for whatever reason, choose to hang onto that big stone, and take it to bed with you.  It’s pretty tough to sleep with this big stone.  It’s a bed hog, and often lays right on your chest.  Sometimes it even makes it tough to breathe.  By the next morning you’re absolutely exhausted.

Sometimes as you walk down the path, you pick up more than one big stone.  There’s a lot going on.  The burden is even heavier, but you cannot put them down.

Days and nights of carrying around these stones begins to take it’s toll on you.  Your body and mind are tired, and you seem to have disconnected from your Spirit.

Years of carrying around you have forgotten what it’s like to walk around without stones, and think this must be normal.  You don’t look like you used to.  You don’t feel like you seem to remember feeling.  Your body doesn’t function the way it used to either.  You’ve aged.  Some dis-ease has begun to set in.

This isn’t what you signed up for.  This isn’t what life is supposed to be about.  At least, that’s what you’ve heard…somewhere.

That’s the Worry Path.  We’ve all walked along it at some point.

Here’s the thing.  It’s not really the Worry Path.  It’s just a Path, and those Stones are just Thoughts.

Remember the stones along the side of the path?  They were the ones you would have to consciously walk over to in order to pick them up.  Those ones are a little out of the way, but they’re special.

They’re light.  You can fill up your arms with them, and walk without effort.  Plus, when you walk over to them, sometimes you see the way around the big ones in the middle of the path.  Even better, when you fill your arms with them, you don’t have any room to pick up the big ones either.

By the end of the day, when you have filled your arms with the small ones on the side of the road, you still feel fine.  When you go to bed, everything is okay too.  They’re easy to put down, and are actually kind of soft and squishy.  They make good pillows!  You can rest your head on them, and fall asleep right away.  When you wake up, you’re refreshed.

Some of these small squishy stones are still there in the morning, but most of them have disappeared and made their way back onto the side of the road again, ready for you to notice them, walk over, and pick them up.  They’re always there on the side of the road, just waiting patiently for you.

Some days, it almost seems like they’re bouncing on the side of the road trying to get your attention—especially then they’re a particularly big stone in the middle of the road.  It’s almost like they’re hoping you’ll notice them so they can point out the way around the big rock.

But you don’t always notice.  Sometimes you forget they’re there, and all you notice is the big stones.  You bend down and pick it up.  It’s in the way.

You’ve found the Worry Path again.

***

Worry is an insidious, contagious, purposeless thought.

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." ~Leo Buscaglia

Don’t mistake Worry for Awareness.  They are not the same.  You can be aware of something and choose not to worry.

The question always is, “HOW?”

How do you NOT worry when it’s sitting right in front of you?

Find a different stone to pick up…find a different thought.

Look for it, and find it.  Make the decision to fill your brain with different thoughts.

Here are some ways for you to consciously change your thoughts.

Youtube

Search for laughing babies, funny animals, videos of your favourite song, comedy skits, etc.  There’s ALWAYS something on Youtube that will make you laugh.  Make sure you share whatever you find!  There’s bound to be someone in your circle of influence who needs a pick-me-up too.  What’s your favourite video on Youtube?

Music

Choose something that gets your feet and hips moving…something joyfully contagious.  Make a CD filled with your Joyful music.  Keep copies in your car, at your office, in the kitchen, the laundry room, and where ever else you can listen to music.  Get a cheap mp3 player, and keep it with you at all times.  Make it easy for you to pick it up and listen whenever you need that pickup.

Dump & Flip

This Tool is from the Joy Journal Audio Program (a 5 minute daily tool for consciously directing your thoughts for Joy).  This tool is for those really tough days when the worry gets right up in your face.

Get a piece of paper and fold it in half so you have two columns.  On the left side dump out all the crap. In point form list what’s upsetting you, frightening you, worrying you, ticking you off.  Get it all out.  By doing this you are acknowledging what is, and releasing it onto the paper.

On the right side, give each item on the left a flip.  Write it as a positive opposite.  For example, “Dealt with a miserable customer” turns into  “I get such awesome customers that are a joy to serve.”  Do this for each item on the left side of the paper.

Take the piece of paper and rip it down the middle at the fold.  Keep the right side.  This is a vision.  Fold it up and put in your pocket, or keep it where ever you wish.  Get rid of the left side.  Tear it up, or burn it.  It doesn’t matter how you do it, as long as you get rid of it.

By keeping the right side and throwing away the left you are symbolically choosing your happy thoughts and releasing the negative thoughts.

No matter what’s going on in your life, there is only one path…one stream of thoughts, and it’s yours.  No one and no thing controls which thoughts you pick up or don’t pick up other than you.  Make sure you’re looking around and not just looking at the ones that are right in front of you.  Look off to the sides, and consciously pick the ones that add to the joy of your day.

Don’t walk The Worry Path.

Dream BIG!

Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Host of Welcome Changes Radio

PS ~ The Joy Journal Audio Program will help you consciously choose your thoughts, and it only takes 5 minutes a day.  Your happiness IS worth 5 minutes a day.

PPS ~ Check out Journey Through a Course in Miracles.  These short lessons will support you to put down those heavy stones you’ve been carrying around.

Enhanced by Zemanta

How Will You Show Up…the Second Time?

“Every situation, if you think about it, is an invitation for you to react in a certain way, but being mindful gives you the chance to decide how to RSVP.” ~ Catherine Price

Each moment you are sent an invitation.  How will you show up? 

It’s easy to say when the moment is positive or joyful, but what about those moments that are less than perfect?  How will you show up?

Will you react or respond?  What’s the difference?

Reacting is split second.  It generally comes from your programming, which comes from how you’ve interpreted your past experiences.

Responding takes that fraction of a second more.  You stop…time stops…briefly.  You may even take a breath.  And in that breath you realize you have choice.

Sometimes you’ll still choose to react, and other times you choose something different—something more grounded, insightful, resourceful or balanced.

Did you know, though, that you can change how you show up after the fact?

Something happens.  You react.  Maybe your hurt or angry.

When you think about it again, you react the same way.  Your hurt or angry again.  You’ve show up again for something that already happened, and is long gone.

How do you change how you show up after the fact?

It’s actually much easier to change how you show up after the fact, or at least you have more time available to you to make a different choice.

The thing that usually stops us from making a different choice the second time around is Judgment of some kind.  You may judge the other parties for their part in your hurt or anger.  You may judge yourself for reacting, and maybe even for feeling hurt or angry.

There are two things you can do when you replay the experience, and each will allow you to show up differently the second time around.

Choose a Different Response

If you had just a few seconds more to think through things, how would you have responded?  Play it out in your mind.  This offers you a few things.  First, if the situation ever comes up again, you have a new idea on how to respond, and chances are you may take the opportunity.  It’s like preparing an answer for an expected question. 

The other thing it does is support you with new wiring.  We react from our present database of experiences.  By making up a new response, we are adding to the database.  Remember, your database is not only filled with your experiences, but it’s also filled with the experiences you have witnessed, whether from your family, friends, TV, reading, etc.  Do this often enough and you’re adding in quite a bit of information to your “Responses Database”.

Choose Forgiveness

This one is the most effective, and yet the most challenging to achieve.  The reason is there is always more to forgive than we initially decide upon.  Forgiving the other party in the experience is the obvious one. The one that is often left out of the equation is forgiving self.  You’re a party to the event, and chances are you are upset that you got into the situation in the first place, don’t like how you responded or any number of things.  You may even move into complete denial on your part and walk head-on into victimness.  It’s the other person’s fault.  How can you forgive them?  Look how badly they hurt you or did you wrong?

When you forgive, the painful replay stops, and you automatically show up differently the next time around.

How do you forgive? 

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s important enough to state again.  Forgiveness is not approving of or allowing that what happened is OK.  There are many things we can forgive that still require someone be held responsible for their actions.  Forgiveness does not mean leaving yourself vulnerable to bad treatment. 

It simply means that what happened no longer triggers you or your emotions.  You can “remember without hurting anymore”. 

What happens when you forgive?

So many things happen for you when forgiveness comes in.  You’ll be amazed! You begin to look at your experience through different eyes.  You begin to see things you never saw when you were hurting.  You’ll see the gifts in the experience.

For me, when I forgave my abuser, I began to notice so many things, such as how strong I had become.  I had compassion for others in a way I never had before.  It was a very important part of shaping who I am today.  In essence, I would not be who I am today were it not for the experience I had.  Maybe you’ll receive similar gifts. Perhaps yours will be different.  Either way, the gifts will be there.

Honestly, if you show up the first time in a less than perfect way, it’s okay.  It’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll be giving yourself a second chance to react or respond. 

The question is, how will you choose to show up…the second time?

Dream BIG!

Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Host of Welcome Changes Radio


On Forgiveness:

A Journey Through A Course in Miracles

(Link to Video)

To learn more, visit the here.

Appreciate Failure?

Failure is such a loaded word.  The most popular definitions we latch onto are “Lack of Success”, “Falling Short”, or “One who has failed”.  As I write this I can feel my shoulders slump, and my energy fall into my stomach.  I remember using these definitions often.  Sometimes I would use it so often I would stop moving. Have you ever done that?

As I reflect back I realize that it was my perspective on Failure that was disempowering me.  What is your perspective on Failure?  Are you ready to shift it to one that is more empowering?  Here are some things for you to think about.

First, the energy behind this word is strong.  While it is possible to change the energy of words, it may be empowering to just drop it from your vocabulary completely.

Second, it’s not a failure. 

  • Something didn’t work out the way it was intended.  It’s just different.
  • This is just one of the ways this didn’t work.  Try another way. Thomas Edison said he found 10,000 ways not to build a light bulb, not 10,000 failures.
  • Practice is a valuable skill to redevelop.  Sometimes it takes more than one or two tries to achieve something. Give yourself permission to practice.

Third, sometimes not achieving something the first time out works in your favour.

"Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street." ~ Zig Ziglar

Have you ever gone for a drive, and a detour sent you down a street you’d never been before only to discover a nifty little shop or restaurant you absolutely fell in love with?  Failures can often present amazing gifts, ideas or opportunities we might not have experienced otherwise. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself move through and transform Failure:

  • What am I being reminded of in this moment? 
  • Am I being asked to pause, breathe and look around me?
  • What can I appreciate about this experience?
  • Am I overlooking something important or valuable in this situation?
  • Am I being shown something?
  • Is there someone who can help me with this?

More powerful questions can be asked that are specific to your situation.  These should get you started.

It’s your perspective that changes your experience.  Failure is NOT bad, unless you choose it is so.  It’s an important and valuable part of your Journey.  Receive it as valuable, and the gifts will show themselves.

Yes, you can appreciate Failure.  This is one very important way you love and appreciate yourself.

Dream BIG!

Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Founder and Host of Welcome Changes Radio

PS ~ Is your detour is reminding you that it’s time to let go of being small, and Go BIG!

PPS ~ An excellent tool for transforming failure is the JOY Journal.  5 minutes a day can change everything!

Think Yourself Happy?

The other day I saw this video on Facebook.  A friend was sharing what she found from a friend.  I loved what they shared so much I’m sharing it with you.  I love the idea of sharing Happiness, or at least sharing HOW to be happier!

(Link to Video)

I always knew, some how, that my attitude mattered in how happy I am, and after watching this video, I believe I contain the happiness gene.  I suppose this gives me a bit of an advantage, and explains so much in my life.

I had always wondered how I could survive some of the things I survived, like being abused as a teen, homeless at 17, financial upsets and more, and still come out in the end generally happy. Sure I wasn’t smiling all the time when things were happening, and there were times when I felt lost and could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I always seemed to pick myself up, change where I looked, and headed on up to happy before long.

In the video Sonja Lyubomirsky said that 40% of our happiness comes from the activities we choose.  Makes sense.  Are you choosing at least ONE activity each day that you enjoy?  It could be as simple as reading a book, watching a favourite show, calling a loved one, or going for a walk with the dog.

They also shared on the video that taking 30 minutes to “think happy thoughts” like being grateful, produces significant results.  I agree!  Kick-starting your day with a 5 minute JOY Journal is a great daily practice in this direction.  You could also just list 5 gratitudes in your mind each morning before you get out of bed, and again before you go to bed.  You could watch videos of laughing children or funny pet videos. 

You don’t really need to do that 30 minutes all in one shot.  You could give yourself six 5-minute shots a day too.

Nutrition affects your brain too.  Are you getting enough Vitamin B?  Is your brain getting enough of the good carbs?  I”m talking veggies, not bagels.  How do you expect your brain to function properly when you don’t give it what it needs?

Balanced nutrition, hormone levels and fitness can all boost your thinking power.  What’s one thing you can do each day to bring more balance in these areas?

I truly believe that Thinking Yourself Happy doesn’t need to be hard.  Take baby steps each day, and you’ll notice a difference right away.  You really can afford 5 minutes a day towards your happiness.

Dream BIG!

Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Founder and Host of Welcome Changes Radio

PS ~ I’m thinking that Sonja Lyubomirsky would be a great interview for Welcome Changes Radio.  What do you think?

Stuck? What to do in the In Between Times.

Wait for Me (Moby album)

Image via Wikipedia

Stuck…in between…feels like no where, but it’s between there (past) and there (future), and there (future) seems so far away we can’t actually see where there is, or how to get there.

Been there.  Done that.  Bought the t-shirt.  Visit there again often, and though it’s the same place it always feels strange and uncomfortable.

Back in January 2006 (I remember it well) I was in between.  I hated where I was.  I knew where I thought I was to go, but didn’t know how to get there.  I got a message from Divine.

I knew it was from Divine because it sounded completely ridiculous, and I would not have made that up in my head. 

 

"In order to leave where you are at, you need to love where you are at."

Since then I’ve hit many In Between Times (IBTs).  I seemed to think I knew where I was going, but I also didn’t seem to be heading in that direction.  It confused the heck out of me.  It frustrated the heck out of me!  OK…it actually ticked me off severely sometimes too.

Each time I’d hear "In order to leave where you are at, you need to love where you are at."

How the heck do you love STUCK?  How the heck do you love NOT KNOWING?   How do you love CONFUSION?

What I learned from each of these IBTs is that the words I was using to describe the experience were not empowering me.  That’s why I changed it from STUCK to IBTs.  Didn’t feel quite as bad.  There’s always IBTs.  Drive from Calgary to Edmonton (I’m in Canada), and there’s lots of highway in between.  It’s normal.  It just is.

I also learned over the years that sometimes not knowing is a blessing.  I would have avoided doing some things if I knew the difficulties along the journey.  And yet, each of these experiences has ended up being amazing.  Sometimes I can actually Trust that even though I can’t see what’s coming. It’s going to be fine.  Always is.  I’m always cared for.

Confusion…that’s just another even more disempowering label for not knowing.  I just dropped that one.

So…what do we do in these IBTs?

What do you do when you’re waiting for a bus?  You always find something.  Read. Notice the nature near by. Get impatient and clock-watch.

Find the blessings.  Find the gifts. 

What CAN you be doing now?

What CAN you be learning now?

You TRY different things.  You know…like at Baskin Robbins…taste things with that little pink spoon.

What would happen if you gave yourself permission to explore rather than decide?

What if you picked up a Mindfulness practice?

Is there something in your life asking for attention?  Your physical health?  Your spiritual wellness?

What might this IBT be asking of you or inviting you to play with?

What if this IBT is the right thing to be happening right now?

Dream BIG!

Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Founder and Host of Welcome Changes Radio 

PS ~ Do you have an idea where you’re going, and not entirely sure how you’re to get there?  Going BIG Mastermind and Coaching might be exactly what you need.

Enhanced by Zemanta